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It’s 4am and I’m tired 

9 Nov

This post was written about 3 weeks ago. It had been a busy week and I hadn’t got much sleep. On this particular night I decided to pass the time by writing.

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Its Friday. 1:09am to be exact. I’ve been in bed for an hour. It was a late one tonight as I was preparing paperwork for a meeting tomorrow.

My daughter’s fast asleep in her crib by my bed. Her little sighs and yawns are no longer cute at this hour. Each sound seems to fill the room, preventing me from falling asleep. But to be honest she’s not the reason I’m awake. I just can’t switch off my mind.

There’s so much to do

I’m currently juggling motherhood, my relationship and my business. It’s likely that I’m not excelling in all these areas but I like to think I am. In my short 3 months of being a mother I’ve already developed the “I can do it all” approach often taking on more tasks than I can handle. Being a new mum and an entrepreneur has its challenges.

It’s now 4am and I’m tired. 

We’re both awake now for the night feed. I’m currently writing this post using my phone with baby in my left hand and phone in the right whilst balancing the bottle with my chin! If motherhood has taught me anything that is to be creative. I’ll do all I can to juggle looking after baby and the million other things that needs to be done. I tweeted the other day…”I’m mastering the art of multi tasking” but am I really? Let’s be honest I can only really focus properly on one task at a time. I may feel like I’m being productive because I’m busy but the reality is I’m probably spreading myself too thin…

She’s now been fed and the good baby that she is she has gone straight back to sleep. But my mind’s still awake…

I’m thinking of my client meeting tomorrow. “Have I got all the paperwork ready?”, “will I close the sale?”. I think perhaps being an introvert also means I’m highly analytical of my actions. Each action I take usually requires a long drawn out analysis asking myself “should I have done that?” “What were the other people thinking?” “Did they perceive me well?” “What can I do better next time?”

It’s now 5am and I’m awake

The birds are singing now and tiredness has left me. My thoughts have kept my company throughout the night and now I’ve been awake for an hour just “social media scrolling”. I like to mentally plan my day and I usually do this while scrolling through instagram ‘liking’ pictures of motivational posts hoping that somehow it will change my life. lol

There’s probably not much point falling back asleep at this point.

It’s now 7am and I’m tired again

I managed to fall asleep again but the broken sleep is getting to me. I just know that today will be difficult and coffee will be needed. However, today I can’t stay in bed even if I wanted to. My client meeting is at 2pm out of town and yes little one is coming with me. So I better start getting ready.

Maybe I’ll get some sleep tomorrow night…

Nat

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Reflections of a mum-to-be; The ultimate sacrifice

27 Jul

***This post was originally written on the 10th July***

From the moment I first found out I was pregnant my body underwent some drastic changes. I noticed quite quickly that there was something foreign inside of me that was changing my body. My hormones were all over the place, I felt nauseous, I spent most of the day in bed, I was exhausted. There was nothing I could do about it, I just had to surrender and let my body do what it needed to do. They say the first 3 months of pregnancy are crucial as it’s when most of the development happens. So whether I liked it or not, I had to slow down and do what was best for my baby.

I became a slave to my hormones. I spent the last few months going from energetic to lifeless. There was no in between. I felt there was nothing I could do about it. I’ll be honest it was difficult for me to adjust to this as I’m the kind of person that likes to be on the go all the time. And for someone stubborn like myself being forced to slow down and take it easy…isn’t something that came naturally.

But aside from the physical changes I realised there were mental changes taking place. My focus shifted from myself to my unborn child. Although I’m carrying this child I’m effectively already a mother, I still don’t know what it’s actually like! It’s difficult to comprehend something you haven’t experienced. But I’m sure first time mums would agree it’s a surreal experience.

I’ve always been aware of the notion that there is no love like a mother’s love. But now I’m actually experiencing it, I can say this is true. Even though I haven’t met my princess yet, we have developed a relationship over the nine months. I find myself looking at her scan pictures thinking “ah you used to be so small! Now look at you!” lol. I talk to her everyday and I tell her that she will be amazing and do great things.

But I can already see that motherhood is the ultimate sacrifice.

My goals and dreams are now orientated around her future. Although I feel like I’m just starting out in life and I’m yet to achieve some of my goals and dreams, I feel like her future is more important. It’s a strange perspective to go from focusing on yourself to a little life you’ve never even met. But I want the best for her. I have been blessed with this gift and I’m not going to waste the opportunity by not giving her the best start in life.

I can already see that my life has moved forward so much since finding out I was pregnant. My ambition has increased and my work ethic has improved. I feel this sense of urgency now that I didn’t experience before. It’s become all about her. She is already such a blessing in my life and she doesn’t even know it yet. She has given me a higher sense of purpose that I could ever even dream of! Although circumstances aren’t perfect, her little life is perfect and I vow to do everything in my powers to ensure she is happy!

 

 

 

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Reflections of a mum-to-be; Stay at home mum?

27 Apr

With only 3 months to go until the arrival of my baby girl I’m already considering what life will be like once she’s here. I’m trying to envision how much my life will change. I’ve spoken to other mothers about what it’s like to be a mum and most have said there’s no experience like it. One mother said her priorities and perspective on life completely changed. I do wonder what she actually meant. How did it change?

[I’m not expecting to understand this until it happens…but I do still wonder.]

But as an ambitious young woman with my whole life ahead of me, I’m left with a set of priorities to sort through. First up, the decision between being a full-time mother and pursuing a career seems to top the list. It’s a decision most mothers have to battle with. It’s an additional pressure that most men don’t even have to consider. I can understand that we as women struggle with this decision because we can see both options have value. But the difficulty arises when we’re forced to choose one option. But I always think is it necessary to choose one or the other? Can we not do it all?

I’ve been asking myself all these questions lately…

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At my midwife appointment

However, I feel that society doesn’t value the option of being a ‘stay at home’ mum. There always seems to be a negative connotation associated with it. It’s often seen as the less ambitious option and the dare I say ‘easier’ option. But I don’t believe that to be true. Being a full time mother is just as valuable as pursuing a career, except that you’re directly contributing to your children’s lives. It’s an investment for the future.

For me, contributing directly into my family’s lives is much more appealing and that’s why I’m leaning towards becoming a ‘stay at home’ mum (whatever that may turn out to mean). But I want to be at home with my daughter as much as I can. I want to teach her and educate her on the things school won’t. I just want to be there for her.

I decided a year ago that I didn’t want to go back into full time employment, (although I picked up part-time jobs along the way my focus was still to pursue business). Not much has changed, although now there is a baby in the mix, I still don’t feel the push to go back into full time employment. This is why I’m currently building a business that will ultimately provide residual income. Once this starts working for me (and it will) it will give me the freedom I need to be with my family.

So don’t worry I don’t plan to relinquish my ambitious nature but in fact I plan to incorporate it into motherhood. So to all the ‘stay at home’ mums, I salute you. I’ll be joining you soon!

“My why isn’t just about me anymore. It’s about her.”

Nat x

Check out the first post in this series

 

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Reflections of a mum-to-be

6 Apr

The other day I was thinking back to the times where I would believe and follow everything my parents told me. I would willingly agree with everything they said…no questions asked. I remember my father once told me that putting petrol in a car makes it grow. I honestly believed that for a few years. I remember intently watching the other cars at the petrol station to see if they doubled in size. [They never did]. But that just shows that when we are young our parents had the power to say anything to us and in our naivety we would often accept.

But I can remember the times when I started challenging my parent’s views. It wasn’t until I was in my late teens. I guess my increased independence and growing intellect gave me the confidence to question them. I was never disrespectful but I was challenging. At times I felt rebellious and I was sometimes branded as a disobedient child. But in my defense I feel like I was just trying to develop as a person. I was exploring all the different views I had and because of my intuitive nature I couldn’t just take everything at face value.

But as I sit here this afternoon and reflect on my ‘rebellion’ I can see that there were some benefits to challenging my parents. I honestly believe that during those years I was creating the foundation for me to become a strong minded and ambitious woman. [I hope my parents can agree too]. I feel that through questioning my parents helped me to cement my beliefs even more. I learnt more. I explored my thoughts and ideas more and now I feel confident in the things I believe. 

So with this in mind and my impending motherhood I thought about the future dynamics of my relationship with my daughter. I want there to be freedom of expression between us. I want her to openly discuss things that concern her. I want her to challenge my views with logical and well formed arguments. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want her to be rebellious without reason, but nor do I want her to blindly accept everything I tell her. Quite frankly, I want to raise a woman that is strong minded, driven and confident!

But to achieve this, the practice must start at home and that’s why I cannot let my pride get in the way. I must learn to put aside my emotions in times when she’ll prove me wrong. This is where I envision the challenge will be. As a mother I can imagine you feel all knowledgeable and all powerful over your offspring. I guess you feel that because you carried them for 9 months you have the right to dictate every aspect of their life. But I think we forget that we are primarily human beings; with our own goals, dreams and purpose. That’s why I believe it is important as a parent to encourage your children to fulfill each of these.

I envision that the most precious moments of motherhood will be allowing my daughter to teach me in areas where I fall short. I don’t have all the answers and yes I may get things wrong but I can only hope and pray that God gives me the wisdom and strength to be the best mother that I can be.

Are there any mothers that can relate? How do you feel when your children challenge your views? And what do you think about this kind of parenting style?

Comment below

Nat x

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