I wish I never knew…

27 Jan

Have you ever been enlightened on something and then wish you never knew? Like you wish you could rewind the time and unlearn some of the things you know today? For me, I feel that sometimes ignorance is bliss. I think to myself, surely it’s better to live a carefree and uneducated life right? People like that always ‘appear’ to be ‘happier’.

Due to my inquisitive nature it sometimes causes me to search for answers I may not necessarily need to know. I feel that I cannot take anything at face value and that I must find the deeper meaning to everything. I always think how can I simply sit back in life and just accept things as they are…surely life can’t be that simple? Obviously I’ve come to terms with the fact I cannot know everything but to my own frustration I still like to try.

However, there are some things in this life where with a little digging and Google searching you can unearth the answers. The truth is more accessible than you think. Everything is at your finger tips, but it’s up to you to go out there and find it. Although I wouldn’t classify myself as a conspiracy theorist I do see some truth in their claims. Their views come from a place of questioning everything and that is something I have done all my life. Whether that be why do we have to go to school? or why is there such a division between the rich and the poor. Or why has Africa been in poverty for so long despite countless aid efforts?

But in recent years I feel like that all this information I’ve accumulated has made me realise how little I actually know…and also how corrupt this game called life is. I could go on and on about all the injustices but when it comes down to it. Sometimes I wish I never knew… all this knowledge has left me with a responsibility to change it all. Its convicted me to do something about it. But as much as I want to inspire and impact people I couldn’t help but feel like the most insignificant piece on the chess board. How can I challenge systems that have been established for 100s of years? My time on this earth is limited what change can I really bring in this short space of time?

The feeling of defeat has held me back even before I’ve had a chance to go out in the world to experience it for myself. I do want to break free and live ‘outside the system’ but I know it requires unspeakable resilience, strength and passion. And if I’m brutally honest…sometimes I just don’t have the fight in me to take it all on.

I often catch myself between the two schools of thought; the “forget the 9-5 and become an entrepreneur” and the “if you can’t beat them join them”. The latter isn’t an option I ever want to take but sometimes it seems like the only option. It’s like the system is always lurking behind me waiting for me to surrender. But I know there is more. How do I know? Because there are people living it!

Although I wish I never knew about all these things it’s time for me to put my feelings aside and go out there and get what I deserve.

“Let your dreams guide you”

Nat

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2 Responses to “I wish I never knew…”

  1. Annika Spalding May 1, 2016 at 10:32 am #

    This is a very honest post and I can relate to you. There comes a point in life where you realise that there are injustices that are completely out of your control and there is very little you can do about it. But that is the key element here. You have to learn to pick your battles and to let go of what you can’t control. Life is overwhelming and it is impossible to be passionate about all things and do something about all things and do them well. Sometimes it’s literally a case of focusing on what you can do and the impact you can make. Though it may be small, it is still significant. Don’t focus on the negatives, keep your mind positive x

    • Quietly Ambitious May 1, 2016 at 10:39 am #

      Yeah I definitely agree with you! Small change is better than no change x

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