I used to care…

25 Nov

…that my introversion would leave me lonely for the rest of my life

…that when people forgot my name it meant that I wasn’t worthy to be remembered

…about being popular because being alone meant you were an easy target for bullies

…about being quiet because people would look at me with such concern and pity that it made me feel inadequate

…about coming forward and showcasing my talents because I was worried that people would think I was showing off

…about being better than other people because I didn’t want people to feel worthless…

…about people’s opinions because often I would place their thoughts and views above my own. I didn’t trust my judgement and therefore didn’t feel worthy of sharing.

These are some of the things I used to care about. But not anymore.

I now care about my own happiness. I have accepted that I’m an introvert. I’m now comfortable with the idea of staying at home while my friends go out and have a good time. I now know when someone forgets my name it isn’t indicative of my character [they could have a lousy memory]. I now know my strengths and I plan to make full use of them. I now know that chasing my dreams will not necessarily make someone else feel worthless and lastly, I now put my own judgement before anyone else. I trust my instincts.

I realise there is power in everyone’s story, including mine. Sometimes we all need to get rid of this fake pretense that we have our lives all together. We all have issues, we all have shortcomings but it’s through support and the sharing of our stories; strength is found. Harboring these thoughts can only contribute to the anxiety and depression felt. Life is never as bad as you think and just talking about it to a friend, relative or God can really help you put things into perspective.

This is actually the first time I’ve written these thoughts down and honestly seeing it written in black and white made me realise how irrational some of my worries were. Now I’m able to share my story because I have no shame in it. This is not who I am anymore and it doesn’t define me either. But it’s always important whilst on a journey of self-development to look back and see where you’re coming from. It’s important to realise what you could have been had you not made the decision to be better.

I’ve come a long way but I understand there may still be other people out there struggling. Some people right this moment may be having these same thoughts. Feeling inadequate, feeling worthless and being too fearful to come forward. Well I’ve written this post for you, with the hopes that it will show you that with a little hard work and perseverance you can change who you are.

You can be better!

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2 Responses to “I used to care…”

  1. Black Queens Col (@blackqueenscol) November 27, 2015 at 11:45 pm #

    This was a really honest and authentic post. I’m sure many people can relate, and although I don’t identify as an introvert I know I can. It’s true what you said about the need to stop pretending we have life figured out and instead honestly share our truth, just like you have.

    • Quietly Ambitious November 27, 2015 at 11:53 pm #

      Thank you. It’s amazing how many people think in the same way. At times I thought I was the only one! Thanks for reading x

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