Humans like to have control and a loss of control brings fear! This is because humans are created with a locus of control and anything beyond this sphere increases fear, anxiety and trepidation. We fear the unknown and openly embrace the things that are tried and tested. The fear of the unknown however is what creates this obsessive counterproductive lifestyle that I spoke about in my previous post. It becomes all-consuming and all controlling to the point where you become psychologically paralysed because you fear the unknown.
The frustration mainly comes when we don’t get our desired results. But it’s difficult to control all situations. Some things are physically beyond our capabilities. It’s like asking your dog to turn off the television. Firstly the dog has not got the capabilities to turn off the television and you telling him to do it will not change it either. Instead of getting frustrated you could just accept that your dog was not created to press buttons on a remote. As simple and abstract as this analogy is you can understand that if something is beyond your control…just let it be.
For those of you that would prefer a more realistic example. We can apply this to a work life situation. You have a boss that constantly speaks down to you, doesn’t acknowledge your efforts and expects you to do a lot more work than is capable of doing. Your reaction may be… “I don’t like the way my boss speaks to me”, “they make me upset in the mornings”. Or “they’re making me depressed”.
In this situation you potentially have three choices;
- Physically threaten your boss to be nicer to you (not advised)
- Talk to your boss and explain that you feel upset by the way they treat you
- Let it go and have an awesome day.
Hopefully you chose C. If you chose A then perhaps you should leave this blog post right now and check yourself into anger management! As much as we would like to change people… you can’t force them to change. The same goes for option B. Yes, your boss may hear your point…but they may also ignore it. In fact if you think about it, your boss isn’t actually making you upset. Your boss cannot physically jump into your mind and connect up all the neurotransmitters that create the sadness you feel as you walk into the office. Instead they can only put you in negative situations. You then have a choice…to react or not to react. You can physically remove yourself from the situation by leaving the room or quitting your job. Or you can mentally remove yourself. Either way, become detached to negativity. Your boss is in control of their own behaviours and if they don’t want to change…there’s not much you can do about it. Change comes from within and that’s beyond your control.
By omitting control over your boss or any other situation you cannot physically change will leave you feeling more free! You can now give yourself more time to enjoy being alive and doing the things you love. You now don’t have to feel like a prisoner to your mind. Losing control means you can live a more free and relaxed life. You give yourself more time to enjoy being alive and well.
Make sure you come back next Wednesday where I will share 5 practical tips on how to jump start your journey in losing control.